Baby jokes
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
One day, a leaf asks Mom, "Mom, why am I named Leaf?"
Mom says, "Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head."
The next day, Feather asks Mom, "Mommy, why am I named Feather?"
Mom says, "When you were a baby, a feather fell on your head."
The next day, Brick asks Mom, "Rhsisvrkanx!"
Mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?
I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.
Baby 🍼
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?
I don't worship Jesus.
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...
What time do babies get dirty?
Playtime.
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.
Why do dead babies cry? Just kidding, they are dead.
Why are baby elephants so smart? They hang out with friends!
Why are cows 🐮 so big? To scare babies 👶.
What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
Why can't two Asians make a white baby?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.