Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately...”
You think on a airplane when a muslim guy gets on people look at him and think... Aw fuck
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?" She points off the cliff and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside all mangled and dead. The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
Sans:pap you're spaghetti is bonearific.paprus: sans no. Aw you're funny Bone is not working come on that one was a rib tickler
Most women are like the Twin Towers.
It's all fun and good when guys fly through them but once the little people come jumping of them out it becomes sad and awful.
Man: aw man im having a bad day Man's friend:same Man:so why did you have a bad day my brother got hit by the school bus Man's friend: i got fired as a bus driver Man: oh great heavens
aw hell naw
dey turned spongilebile in2 a frigin generator.
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me? Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you! Kid 1: Aw, do you love me? Kid 2: No!
Kid 1: Words can describe how ugly you are. Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are. Kid 1: Aw, thx! Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10
so one day a boy was at his dads work when another little boy ran in crying then the dad said aw little boy are you lost wheres your parents and the little boy at his dads work said OMG! dad you cant say that! why cant he say that?
Answer: He works at an Orphanage.
why does Struan smell so awful. Because he is friends with jerp
For all those Simpsons fans out there this one I'm sure you know Abe: It's rotten being old. No one listens to you Lisa: It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you Homer: I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me-- no matter how dumb my suggestions are
so a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats and the dealer tells him ‘dude the rain will ruin the seats get it under something if it starts raining and worst case scenario put vaseline all over the seats to make it water proof’. so he goes to his girlfriend house that night for dinner and before he goes inside she says ‘listen this is your first time meeting your parents we have a rule, the first one to speak has to do the dishes’. so he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes over 3 months because no one has spoken and the stench is awful. during dinner he concocted a plan to get someone to speak so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. not a peep eventually he grabs his girlfriend bends her over and starts going to town. still nothing the parents are outraged but not speaking because they don’t want to do the dishes. after about a minute of this he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. at that moment it starts to rain his motorcycle is out in the rain and grabs the vaseline out of his pack pocket and the dad goes ‘FINE ILL DO THE DISHES’
I was in Russia at a stand up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice though
How the German people could fall for Hitler and the Nazis? There were an awful lot of red flags.
me: nok nok teacher: who is there Me: boo Teacher : boo who Me: stop being a crybaby and open the door! Teacher:............ Me: aw man detention again.
First Man: My dog's got no nose. Second Man: How does he smell? First Man: Awful.
Knock knock
whos there?
Police
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock knock jokes
I told a girl she was cute and she said "aw tysm" how does she know I have that
