A cop pulls a man over and finds out hes drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says ̈Can i see your flashlight? ̈ and the cop says ̈just give me your license and registration. ̈ so drunk guy says ̈not until you give me your flashlight. ̈ the cop said ̈for what? ̈ and the drunk guy says ̈so i can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like. ̈
What do you call a dick that dosent fit in an asshole
A miss fit
i baught my son a trampoline, That little asshole stayed in his wheel chair the whole day
I suck his dick with a smile for hours at a time Stare at his nutsack while I hold back my cum tonight And when he ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle" (And when they ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle") But the fact is I can never get off of his fat dick And all that they can ask is (Ask is, ask is) "I just wanna smack it" (I just wanna smack it)
Here's what the fact is He can put my asshole in a casket (Yuh, yuh, yuh) Asshole in a casket
So you can see I'm cummin' But you won't see me nut And I'll just keep on suckin', I'm good (Yeah, I'm good) And if he sucks my glizzy I will become dizzy But it keeps us busy, I'm good (Yeah, I'm good) I've been twerking for boys for so long I'vе been flirting with boys for so long My jaw's been hurting for so, so long it's real So long, it's real, so long, it's real
But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend. So she invites him to a romantic dinner. After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it. But her boyfriend was clueless about such acts. So she tell him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 positions. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same. But the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly the girl had an urge to fart, but hold it in because her asshole was right near his bf face. Suddenly she loses control, and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says
"Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."
when the husbon said you is your ass so big she said because im holding my shit
when i shit in the toliet i think that if shit hard anuff I can see my asshole plug.
yo mama so stupid that she shit and farted on you asshole
Have you ever tried anal bleaching?
It really helps assholes lighten up.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello please divert to 5°East to avoid collision. Thank you." The commander starts answering: "No you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!" "Sorry sir You are the one who should divert to 5°East! Over! "Listen to me you asshole! We are the USS Washington and we have an entire fleet at our disposal and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!" After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again: "In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
What does every arshole and tory have In common.
They all produce horrible shit
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew tumed up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5.year.old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and ll spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. 'mey chatted with her, let her slt with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little lobs to do here and there to make her feel Important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a poy envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $1 0 'pay ' to the bank the next day to start a savings account When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally Impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, 'l worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.' 'Oh, my goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and will you be working on the house again this week, too?' The little girl replied, 'l will, it those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the tucking sheet rock '
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "yep that's definitely Joe," but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that's not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "yep that's definitely Joe," but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that's not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, "how is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?" The 1st friend said, "well you see Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious? the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there's Joe with those 2 assholes."
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a Rectal Thermometer and thought
Some Asshole has my Pen
this ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road and she started gaging on it a lil and he said oh yeah baby you like that big dick don't ya and she oh baby its not that, ya asshole stinks
What is the difference between artificial vanilla and Marjorie Taylor Greene's children? Artifical vanilla come from a beaver's asshole, the children from an asshole's beaver.
Little Johnny was staying at his grandparents house and he asked his grampa can I a cigarette and his grampa said well can your dick touch your asshole he said no. Then that's your answer. A little bit later little Johnny asked for a beer his grampa said well can you dick touch your asshole he said a I already said no. Well that your. Later he was complaining to his grandma and she him cookies. His grandpa came up to him and said can I have a cookie little Johnny said well can your dick touch your asshole his grampa said well yes it can and little Johnny said well go fuck yourself old man because these are my cookies.
Oh, fuckshit, bitch, damn cocksucker Pussy, asshole, cunt Mother fuckin' dirty whore, shat onto my lunch Pisscunt, damn bitch, suck my dick Jesus Harold Christ Shit bitch, cocksucker, Goddamn motherfucker, pussy, asshole cunt
Gwen (😐): Addison, I don't mean to be mean but ur rlly starting tb an asshole!
Addison (😞): I don't know what u mean. I've always been an asshole. That is why people pound me in the asshole!
Kariah (🖕🏼) : that sad!
