And jokes

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A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”

What do a blonde chick and a turtle both have in common?

When they're on their backs, they're screwed.

What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?

They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.

A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.

Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"

Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."

Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"

Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.

  • 2

    • Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.

    Student one orphan: I don't have any.

    Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?

    Student one orphan: What!

    Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.

    A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”

    A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”

    What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?

    They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.

    Kid: Where do I put this paper?

    Teacher: I already said go ask your neighbors.

    Kid: Ok. *Walks home to his neighbor's house*

    Kid: Hey neighbor, I didn't know where to put this paper, and my teacher said to ask you. Do you know?

    Neighbor: No, sorry, I don't.

    Kid: Okay, bye! *Kid walks back to school.*

    Kid: Teacher, my next-door neighbor didn't know.

    Teacher: Ugh, you went home?!

    Kid: Yes, you told me to!

    Teacher: I meant at school!

    Kid: Ohhhhhh!

    Teacher: Duh!

    If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.

    If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.

    And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!

    Jack and Jill went up the hill, so Jack could lick her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock, 'cause Jill's real name was Randy.

    I'm reading this book in braille right now, and I know something's gonna happen, I can just feel it.

    There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.

    You're so fat that you're gonna be my next hamburger for dinner and the next In-N-Out, just like your parents.

    I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

    Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.