And jokes
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What are an orphan's least favorite shows?
"Full House" and "Fuller House."
If you're bored, just punch an orphan!
What are they gonna do...tell their parents?
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
What's the difference between your mom and a fat female cow...
A female cow doesn't have a dick.
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.
What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?
Bruno Mars.
What's big and round?
Mine and not yours.
Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
Your mama so slow, she went by a TV and missed eight episodes.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.
What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
One has a home.
I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?
A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
What is the same thing between apples and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.