And jokes
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.
A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"
What's the difference between school and Hell?
There is no difference.
What is the biggest lie ever?
"I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions."
I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.
(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!
What do you call it when you have two Indians, one Black, and a fat White?
A s'more.
You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.
Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.
I'm all panic and no disco.
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
The difference between gorge floyd and kobe is kobe got air
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
One of them is actually loved.
What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?
People actually have a use for one of them.
What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.