And jokes
I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.
How do you blindfold an Asian? String!
Dear disabled people, simply go to settings and enable it.
I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Orphans don't get picked.
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
Why is a bee's hair so smooth and sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
What’s the difference between a mistake and an orphan?
At least the mistake was loved.
If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?
The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
I didn't know that COVID-19 was a thing until I saw your eyebrows and your hairline social distancing.
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
What makes Squidward and a Quandale Dingle the same?
They both got them big parts.
Hell hates freezers, England, and soccer.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.