And jokes
What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.
The second coming came and went. Jesus believed he was a Christian; therefore, he could never be himself.
What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?
They both take it in the back and go woop woop.
"Jesus is the pioneer of Hollywood. He's still famous and my favorite idol."
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?
Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"
What's the same about a newborn and a football?
You can kick them both very easily.
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"
What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Snowballs!
I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.
I burnt down a whole forest and asked myself, "Is this hell?"
It isn't funny to joke about 9/11. The jokes tend to crash and burn.
I was the person that flew into the Twin Towers. I have two friends that are both twins, and whenever they speak, I tell them to shut up because if they don't, I'll make myself explode in them.
Everyone at the Queen's funeral:
Me and the boys getting her reboot card.
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they asked if I could pilot a plane.
A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
Let's play pretend. I'll be Nike and you'll be McDonald's, cuz I'll be doin' it and you'll be lovin' it.
How did 10 die?
Because it was in between 9 and 11.
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.