And jokes
What’s the difference between Hitler and a bug?
Nothing.
Who is yourself, and why do people keep telling me to kill him?
What do dropouts and Boeing 767s have in common?
They crash and burn.
I hate adopted kids. They are ugly and stupid, lmao.
What does a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.
What’s the difference between a snowMAN and a snowWOMAN?
THE SNOWBALLS!
Papyrus: Sans! I heard that a HUMAN has fallen!
Sans: And you gotta bone to pick with 'em?
Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.
First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”
Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
Not to be rude or anything, but I'm not adopted. My boyfriend is, and some of these are really mean because sometimes their parents give them up just because they're ugly or just because of their skin color. We should stop making fun of them, and yes, I do giggle sometimes, but they can be really hurtful sometimes.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.
Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95
After 9/11, the Twin Towers began to vape and smoke weed... 😔
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and a cow?
You can't milk the same cow for 15 years.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.
No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.
Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.
He really shook things up today.