A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.
Me: Mine DON'T :(
Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.
9/11 jokes aren’t funny.
They always crash and burn.
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Yo mama is so smelly that whenever she steps outside, she pollutes the air!
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.
Who's the bus driver?
You will never nose [know].
Who are the fastest readers in the world? The 9/11 terrorists went through like 78 stories in 7 seconds.
What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?
I don't know. I suffocated at birth.
How did the air beat me at chess? It did that thing, haha!
Women's rights.
I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.
Q. Why is Stephen Hawking so good at air guitar?
A. Because he has excellent string theory.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
Penis.
