What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
Shower thoughts
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
When does a Cub become a Boy Scout? When he eats his first brownie.
What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is usually a feather; kinky is using the whole chicken.
A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look, Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!”
The boy finds his father and says, “Look, Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”
What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law? A small medium at large.
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
What’s the best kind of candy to offer at a Pride parade?
Skittles.
What is an example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?
What’s one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in school zones.
What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.