A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”
Shower thoughts
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?...... That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor
What's the difference between a black Jew and a white Jew?
The black Jew sits in the back of the oven
A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”
The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
How does a woman scare their gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist
What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them
What record did Obama proved during his presidency No matter how far a brotha gets in life he’ll still be in government housing
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda? She thought it was Diet Coke
What does Santa Claus in Bill Cosby have in common? They both come while you’re asleep
What do a shopping cart and a wheel chair have in common... they both carry vegetables
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower? Slick her hair she looks 15
What’s worse than spiders On your piano Craps on your organ
How did you get into the tampon 100 Pull some strings