The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
What would you rather be: emo or handicapped?
Trick question: emo is a handicap.
What do you call an emo kid at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.
What Disney movie does the church make little girls watch?
Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins.
What is the definition of suspicion? A: A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.
Did you know that good Catholic girls like to WAP?
Yeah, they are all about Worship and Prayer.
What do you get when you cross a Chinese and an Indian man? A car thief who can't drive.
What do you get when you cross a Chinese and an Indian man?
A car thief who can't drive.
If Eve sacrificed the human race for an apple, what would she do for a Klondike bar?
What do you call a terrorist attack in Iraq? A selfie!
How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
Why did Bruce Jenner cross the road?
To see how the other side felt!
Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.
What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A little get together.