Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?
Because they practice at the best schools.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
She thought it was diet coke.
What is the most unrealistic thing about Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
If you could add one zero to any number for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
What’s something you can say at a Christian summer camp and during a blind date?
"Good Lord, this is fun!"
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
My girlfriend accuse me of cheating. I asked her what was I supposed to do? She was just lying naked she said just do the damn autopsy.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
What did Britney Spears’s left leg say to her right leg? Nothing they’ve never met
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."
How can Batman defeat the Joker? A: With a handful of sleeping pills.
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
What would you rather be: emo or handicapped?
Trick question: emo is a handicap.
What do you call an emo kid at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.