If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
Shower thoughts
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
They'll fall right through his hands.
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
Orphans get family-sized chips for free.
What is a black person's least favorite word game?
Hangman.
How do you think they found out cows produce milk?
Two kids having fun in the barn.
Who lives under the sea?
Malaysia flight 370.
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.
What’s an orphan’s favorite drink?
Foster’s.
How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your sisters pussy taste funny
How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your sister pussy taste funny
How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your dad's cock tastes funny.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:
Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.
Did you get seafood without me?
Why don’t midgets wear tampons?
Because they’ll trip over the string.
Don't steal. That's the government's job.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
Why do women love Chinese food? Because "WON TON" spelled backward is "NOT NOW"!