Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
The pilot goes "We're going down!"
The other pilot yells "Down like your syndrome?"
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.
What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?
An orphan.
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
What's the definition of total chaos?
A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.
If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.
Q: What’s the difference between a priest and McDonald’s?
A: Nothing! They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
Paedophiles are f***ing immature assholes.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"