Worst Jokes Ever
I wish my lawn was emo, so I would not have to cut it, it would cut itself.
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Open your legs and give me an hour.
What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
Bippity Boppity,
Women are property.
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.
What do McDonalds and priests both do?
They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.
Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?
Because he's always spotted.
Why are mountains so cold?? Your mom lol.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.
How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?
She comes home with sparkles on her face.
Why did God make men?
Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.