Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.

Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.

What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.

Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.

"Son, I found a condom in your room."

"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"

"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"

"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

What rock group has four men that don't sing? -- Mount Rushmore.

I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.

Which makes me an eighth-theist.

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.