Worst Jokes Ever

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

Paedophiles are f***ing immature assholes.

Where did Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...

I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

Was gonna make a gay joke but fuck... Cum on guys.

Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.

Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz II Men? He thought they were a delivery service.

Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.

Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.

- Mommy, I want a bicycle!

- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!

Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.

Davin is a pedo.

Did you hear about the homosexual letter? It only came in male boxes.

You people are sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!! None of these are funny. Sick sick sick!!!!!!!

Potato.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

What do you call a Mexican Baptism?

Bean Dip.

I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."

What's the hardest part of running through a field of dead babies?

My boner.