Worst Jokes Ever
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...
He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."
What do you call a Mexican's prison?
The border.
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping.
When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?
When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.
What is a glory hole at the adult bookstore used for?
campaign contribution to the Republican Party.
What is a glory hole at the adult book store used for?
Campaign contributions to the Republican Party.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
Why can orphans only hit a triple in baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.
What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?
A jammy cunt.
Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.
Teacher: What is a cow?
Kid: Meat.
Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?
Kid: Eggs.
Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?
Kid: Homework.
A gay wizard went to a bar and disappeared with a poof!
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company...
I’ll never forget my father’s last words...
Oh fuck, it’s a bus!
If this is offensive to anyone, I'm sorry! Hey, wanna see something funny? Go look in your mirror!