Worst Jokes Ever
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones.
A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn’t drive for shit.
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
"Simba is proof cats don’t always land on their feet."
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
What do you call two Latinos playing baseball one on one?
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)
You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.
What is Osama bin Laden's favorite football team?
The New York Jets.
Children are like farts.
You can only tolerate your own.
What is the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with a light on.
Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?
She washed up on the beach.
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!
What's the difference between anal and oral sex?
An and Or!
An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."