Worst Jokes Ever
Orthodox christians are a lil slow, they take 13 days to get the joke. so go easy on em, alright?
Did anyone around here lose a roll of twenty-dollar bills wrapped with a rubber band? Because we found the rubber band.
Why can’t Homer Simpson bring his family into Moe’s Tavern?
Because there’s a bartender in there.
An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.
“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.
“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.
There’s a noticeable difference between using polish to remove grease and using Polish to remove Greece.
What did the World Trade Center order from Domino's Pizza?
They ordered two large planes.
What is a woman's name with one leg?
Eileen.
Your mum is so cool, she looks like a fridge. Quote: Jude Porters.
Why do orphans have a single chip? Because they don't have a full bag.
Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.
Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."
Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."
Is she saying, "Watch for red flags because he's toxic," or is he socialist?
Conservatives when they hear about “liberal arts:” 👊😡
Liberals when they find out about forest conservation: 😩👐
Progressives when they see a reaction video: 🤬
Reactionaries when a Progressive ad comes on (Flo is annoying): 😱
Anticoms realizing they are a part of a “community:” *seizure*
Anticaps when they have to Capitalize Their Words: 😤
Anti-monarchists when they pass a Burger King: 🫨
Antisocs when they are told to “socialize:” 🫠
Corporatists when they see a corpse: 🤤
Antifash when they spot a fashion show: 🤮
Classical liberals when the TV shows Family Feud: 😑🔫
Extremists when they are told to shoot “dead center” (they have bad aim): 😠🖕
I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.
What's the difference between Christian theocrats and Islamic fundamentalists?
Presentation.
Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.
When someone asks you why you went bald, say it wasn't a choice. It just happened.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.
What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.
Huggy's so fat, Playtime Co. had to make him a monument of fatness.