Worst Jokes Ever

How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.

Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"

What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.

She was eaten by a giant crab.

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.

I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.

"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."