Worst Jokes Ever
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
What is Hitler's least favorite month?
Jewly.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
What is a cannibal's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Why can't blind people eat fish?
Because it's sea food.
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.