Worst Jokes Ever
My friend: "Yo, stupid."
Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"
My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."
Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."
How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never enough.
Me: Knock knock.
Friend: Who's there?
Me: I don't know anymore.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
It didn’t, it ran because it was running from KFC.
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.
This page could use more "butt quack" jokes.
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
You know what’s impossible?
Steven Walking.
Stop making autism jokes, calling us "retards". It is cool.
Sex dolls are alive in the Toy Story universe.
Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.
I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.