My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs? -- One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.
What's a Mexican's favorite video game?
Borderlands.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
What does an asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
Some Ting Wheely Wong
my friend said she wanted to fly, so i pushed her off a building
why tranny say have a good day to jew? he goy goy
Why do rappers love the gym?
Cause they’re all about them HEAVY BARS
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What’s someone with aids favorite Taylor Swift song Baby now we got bad blood
