Worst Jokes Ever
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
Q. What does a slutty mermaid get? A. Crabs.
Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?
All his comebacks take three days.
Hey, guy, you suck! Why do I suck? Because you're the one that's sucking juice out of a straw.
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
I think one of my dads might be gay.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Yo mama!
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the keyhole and you’ll see.
Yo Momma so hairy, she has to shampoo her armpits.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.