Worst Jokes Ever
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.
Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."
How did two retarded people get ran over in one second?
They're my friends.
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
Unlike my syndrome, I keep my chin up. ππ½π
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.
What's the city with the fastest growing population?
Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.