Worst Jokes Ever

Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.

Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.

“Life is going swimmingly,”

“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”

How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?

What's red and spins really fast?

Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.

I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.

What's the difference between Canada and the USA?

In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.

In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.

How does a blind person wipe their ass?

With braille toilet paper.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.

What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'

'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'

What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?

She had small tits.

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?

Because they’ll get chapped lips.

I tried being an emo, but I never got the hang of it.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.

A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."