Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.

How do you kill a Catholic?

Crucify them...

Did you hear about the boy who sat under a cow?

He got a pat on the head.

What's the name for a short legged tramp?

A low-down bum.

How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.

If I had a dollar for every gender, I would only have one dollar because women are objects and men are superior.

A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.

A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.

Kade

Wife: I want to deep throat your dick.

Husband: let’s do this.

Wife: April foogjhmgkjgyukgyukfygkutkutkygfku5t!

Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.

Me: But you are not standing:)

I don't have a joke about Christianity.

I don't want to get crucified.

Why do people think Mozart was autistic?

Because he was probably retarded.

There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"

"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.

"I want to be a hunter."

"Why?" the other babies ask.

"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."

What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?

One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)

A bully chokes me. I simply say, "Joke's on you, I like being choked!"

We all know the joke: Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9.

But do you know why 9 is scared of 7?

Because you are supposed to eat 3 square meals a day (3 squared).

What's the difference between a square peg in a round hole and a kilo of lard?

One's a good lot of fat; the other's a fat lot of good.

What do you call a retarded Catholic?

Asperges.

How does Stephen Hawking charge his computer?

How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Keyboard sex!