I don't trust atoms.
They make up everything.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
Your momma is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
What is the hardest part of twerking?
Being black.
