Worst Jokes Ever
I used to have a fear of hurdles.
But I got over it.
Why did Vladimir Putin get bad grades? -- Because he was Russian.
Why was the sea so friendly? Because it gave a little wave.
Why would hunting a bald eagle in America be a bad idea?
Because it's ill-eagle.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? No, he hasn't either.
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
My jokes are cancer.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.
What do you call a Navajo with a lot of cash?
Johnny Cash.
Sayo-nara.
What do women and peanut butter have in common?
They're both easy to spread.
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Robetoe.
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."
The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.
Please don't kill [me].
A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.
Why can't Cleopatra ride a bicycle?
Because she's dead.
I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory.
A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.