Worst Jokes Ever
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
Same time next month?
James: I have a joke. Sex!
Ronny: I don't get it.
James: Exactly.
Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."
How did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
What do you call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?
Wrong.
What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.
If the shoe fits perfectly, why did it fall off?
I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.
Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
What did one brick say to the other? Never LEGO.
When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"