Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoît B. Mandelbrot.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
What do you call a person that inherits a lot of money?
A millionheir.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those that know binary and those that don't.
What's green and smells like bacon?
Kermit's finger.
How much does a hipster weigh?
About an Instagram.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.
Where do animal does Russian milk come from?
"Moscows".
What do Jamaicans say when they touch a cactus?
Pokemon!
What do lesbian vampires say after sex?
"See you next month."
