Worst Jokes Ever
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?
Get out of my son!
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"
Doctor: "To the morgue."
Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."
Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
What do you call a sophisticated American?
A Canadian.
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
The Harry Potter fanbase.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"