Worst Jokes Ever
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
Yo mama so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
My life, your life, and your sister is a slut.
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?
The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"
Woman two: "Did that work?"
Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
Hang out.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."