Worst Jokes Ever
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
An Asian walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you, too, sing 'One Long Toy Cow'?"
The bartender says to the Asian, "Sorry, I don't speak Chinese."
"Hee hee touch my pp."
Joe mama is so fat, Dora can't explore her.
What do you call a genderless child?
It's not a mister, it's not a misses, I'm more for a mystery.
Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?
He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
Joe mama so fat, she fell on both sides of the bed.
I respect cancer more than I respect depression.
At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?
It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, it's bleach.
What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
I know what I want to be for Halloween! A pumpkin! I'm very good at carving into myself, after all.
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
Joe Mama so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl!
If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.
If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.
It isn't any of those if it's suicide.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's?
You can hide your own Easter Eggs!
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled kids.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"