Worst Jokes Ever

Jack and Jill went up the Jill so Jack could lick Jill's fanny, but Jack had a shock with a mouthful of cock because was actually a tranny.

How many times can 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out.

when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.

Your dad never needed a van for you.

Roses are red.

Roses are red.

Roses are red.

I smell burnt toast.

1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

I hate myself.

What's green and is dangerous?

Kermit with a flip knife.

How is a woman like a condom?

Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Me: "I like kids."

Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you?

Rock, paper, lesbians.

Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"

Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"

Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"

Commander: "Fire a warning shot."

Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."

Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."

Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*

Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"

Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...

Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"

Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"

My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.

All Asians look the same.

What did the suicidal leprechaun say?

"Irish I was dead."

Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.