where did sally go during the bombing, EVERYWHERE. your mama is so fat, that when she was playing online, SHE CRASHED THE WHOLE SERVER.

Yo mama so fat, that when she gets in a monster truck, it becomes a low-rider!

What was the one word that could of save Princess Dianas life? Taxi

What were Princess Dianas last words? Have you been Dri…

What do you call a kid who’s been kidnapped?

Well, her name’s Sally, so I guess… Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?

you find the real one.

Why did Stephen hawking cross the road oh wait he didn’t

I get knocked down, but I get up again, as long as I have 46 chromosomes.

whats fat and wanks over his mom ? guy sheppard

history teacher: They had a temporary cure for the disease , but it would be years before the found a cure for life. Student: I need that.

Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an…

Everyone Else: DON’T…F...ING…SAY IT…

why is the sun mad at the clouds?The clouds keep throwing shade.

What’s the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby

I don’t have a girlfriend

sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by colonel sanders. he asks them, what is your occupation? they respond we are semen. so he says well you better wash up cause i’m finger licki’n good!

Why do we name hurricanes? To keep an eye on them

Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, “Aren’t you worried about this mad cow disease that’s been going around?” The other cow replied, “Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I’m a rabbit!”

A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him, the first man says, " I have been waiting to cross here for ages, its impossible to cross " the second man says, “there is a zebra crossing up the road”, he said, “I hope he is having better luck than I am”.

What’s worst then finding 10 babys in 10 dumpsters??

Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters

Flippity floppity women are property

Why was the whale sad?

Because he is blue!!!

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