Worst Jokes Ever
I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.
Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.
A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"
The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.
The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"
"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."
Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?
Every corner they get, they open a shop on it!
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
When you split Uranus in half, it is "ur-anus." That's why it has a butts joke. Weird.
What do you call an Asian who can't hear?
Wha U Sai
What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.
Your family tree looks like a circle 💀💀💀
9/11 victims are the best readers.
They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.
Michael Jackson was recently sighted at Target. Why? The sale was all boys' pants half off!
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.
If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.
They found out that Michael Jackson was transgender, he went from he/him to hee-hee.
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."
This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"
A little girl being Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do, child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, Father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But, Father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!
Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.
Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?
A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.
They should have ducked.