Beatles
Are cool.
Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a bad piece of wood? Knotty.
Boy: Hey! I love you...
Girl: Eww, you are so ugly.
*boy sent a pic of his dic*
Girl: Beauty doesn't matter in love.
What do you call butter without an expiration date?
A miracle butter, because wow!
You're a joke!
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down.
I farted how bout u?
The broccoli says, "I look like a small tree." The mushroom says, "I look like an umbrella." The walnut says, "I look like a brain." And the banana says, "Can we please change the subject?"
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
What do you call a banana driving a car?
A banana car.
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
Do you have dark humor?
Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.
I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.
I don't know why my boyfriend's dad doesn't like me. Maybe because we had sex?
What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
Where is the pocket?
It is there, the pocket.
Once there were three Indians. Two were smart and one was... not so smart.
One day, the first smart Indian went out hunting. He came back with a dead deer. The not so smart Indian asks "How'd you do it?"
The smart one replies, "I followed the deer tracks, shot the deer, and brought it home."
The next day, the next smart Indian goes out. He comes back with a dead bear. The not so smart Indian asks once again "How'd you do it?"
The smart one replies, "I followed the bear tracks, shot the bear, and brought it home."
Finally, it's now the not so smart Indian's turn to go hunt. Multiple hours had passed since he left. The smart Indians go out to search for him. They finally find him, bloodied and on the verge of dying. The smart Indians exclaimed "WHAT HAPPENED!"
The not so smart Indian replies,
"Well I... I followed the train tracks, an... and shot th- the train... bu- but it kept going..."