Worst Jokes Ever

Life is too short, just like me. Get roasted, short people!

"This vacuum sucks!"

Vacuum: "Yes, I do."

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.

Ok, I found this off of an internet meme, this isn't original:

*grabbing kid* Harambe: Ok kid, I don't have much time, but Obama's last name is- *gunshot*

When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?

Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!

Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!

Dad: Uh...

*hides his rifle*

Man: Hey Siri!

Siri: Yes?

Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?

Siri: Uh...

*phone literally explodes*

Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.

Last night I had the strangest dream!

I sailed away to China!

And I caught the coronavirus!

You said you needed to wash your hands!

Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!

And you said!!

Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!

Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!

Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The guy behind the bar says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets!"

Yo mama so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!

Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!

How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?

Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"

Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.

One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.

Yo momma's so skinny that even Flat Stanley gets jealous!

Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.

Why did the Orphan go to church?

To call someone father.

Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.

Yo momma's so fat that she got married to diabetes!

A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.

The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"

He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.

Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"