For all the people with Covid-19, I just want to say... Stay positive.
Worst Jokes Ever
Helen Keller can use Hodled's words because they are so bad.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family portrait.
Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"
Why do orphans go to church?
Why?
To finally call someone "father."
R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."
What’s the difference between an erection and Edward Holland? Nothing, they're both dicks.
What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.
What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?
One didn't go in the closet.
What's the best time to hang out with an Indian? When your nose is clogged.
Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
I can't come in, because I'm too high.
My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.
Now we wait.
Have you seen the new movie Constipation?
You haven't?
That's because it hasn't come out yet.
What's the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store?
Scan the wrist and you might get a discount.
Why does the orphan not buy milk?
That's what their parents are doing.
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
Q: Ten shepherds out in the sheep field. How do you know which one's gay?
A: He's the one the sheep fuck!
(I'm gay, and I know this joke is demeaning and inappropriate, but I still think it's funny as a 2-inch penis.)