Worst Jokes Ever
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
Why did the orphan cross the road? (Not to see his mom or dad.)
The emo tried to high five the tree, but the tree just left him hanging.
What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?... One always gets picked.
Why do people make orphan jokes... their parents will get mad... oh wait, never mind, please continue.
I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
What do you call a gay BBQ? LGBBQ.
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
How are humans and computers different? A human doesn't have trouble shooting.
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
What do you call a flat-chested emo? A cutting board.
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
If you can’t touch your brain or see your brain, you don’t have a brain?
What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?
"Holy shit, I burnt one."
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?