Worst Jokes Ever

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

Why did the straight white caucasian male cross the road?

Because a black person was approaching.

What happens if a cookie turns emo?

It becomes a cookie cutter.

What do you call a tent for lesbians?

Finger Hut.

Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?

Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!

How do you stop all homophobic heterosexual white men from using all public men's restrooms at a rest area?

Make sure that all public men's restrooms at the rest area are always occupied with gay men that have long and thick big cocks, regardless of skin color.

Lemme tell you a little story.

It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.

So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.

Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.

And finally... you peel back the last plank.

And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.

BOOOOOOO!!!!

It’s Anne Frank.

I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.

How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?

When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.

What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?

We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.

Ukrainians leave without saying goodbye.

Russians say goodbye without leaving.

How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?

Tell them a joke to make them smile.

I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.

Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.

I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.

Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna think we're nuts.

Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.

How do you play chess with a Catholic?

You put a condom on the bishop.

Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?

Cremation.

I was going to tell a ghost joke, but it just seemed so mean-spirited.