Worst Jokes Ever

What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?

Kick her.

One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.

The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"

The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."

An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."

I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.

The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.

Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.

There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.

What do planes and offices have in common?

They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.

What's Michael Jackson's favorite things to say to little boys? "I'd really love to see you-hoo-hoo tonight," and "I can't smile without you-hoo-hoo."

What are Michael Jackson's favorite sodas? Yoo-hoo-hoo and Mountain Dew-hoo-hoo. What cola company should people get to keep him at bay? Pep-see-hee.

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.

How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?

Are you 7/11 or 9/11?

What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.

You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?

Because he's dead.

I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.

What do you call a cow with horns? A horny cow.