Worst Jokes Ever
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.
Anybody know a girl named Candice? She just added me on snap.
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator? He was fired because he couldn't learn the route.
So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
Why buy a pregnant slave over a normal slave? Buy 1 get 1 free. 😂😂😂😂
Joe Biden doesn’t follow his own f**king mask mandate.
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?
They have no one to call "Dad."
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.
What do you call an emo strip club?
Suicidal Thots.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.
What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.
Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"