Worst Jokes Ever
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
What's brown and hurts your teeth?
A chocolate?
No. A baseball bat in my hands.
Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
Digging stuff up is too hard.
I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.
I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.
Wanna hear a racist joke?...
Donald Trump.
A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.