Worst Jokes Ever
What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”
Why can't homeless people be gay?
They don't have a closet to get out of.
I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 9/11 documentary.
Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.
What’s an orphan’s favorite snake, self raising flour?
What is a gun that Africa doesn't have? A water gun.
What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?
A-doll Hitler!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 10 fingers, the middle ones are for you.
How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
These jokes are so dark that their life matters.
Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor bastard.
Why can't orphans go to sleepovers?
Their parents never say yes.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
These are as weak as the towers.
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.