Worst Jokes Ever

can someone please tell what happened?

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

Two men are sitting at a coffee table.

Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."

Joe: "Why do you say that?"

Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."

Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."

Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."

Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.

Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.

My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.

How do you tell when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

What's a Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross country.

How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?

He spoke softly and carried a big stick.

What did President Ford say when he met Betty?

"I am Gerald Ford and you’re hot."

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?

Cremation.

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.

Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."