The Toaster, otherwise known as the ultimate bath bomb.
Worst Jokes Ever
I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?
Coldplay.
What’s black, white, and red all over?
An ethnic orgy.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.
Lying bastard never came out.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.
It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
What do emos and apples have in common?
They both hang on trees.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
What's a lesbian's favorite sport? Dodgeball.
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snow balls.
What college can Stephen Hawking not attend?
"Stand" Ford University. :3
"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.
Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.
Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!
Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.
Teacher: What was that?
Alex: Flew the plane.
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
