Worst Jokes Ever

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?

An orphan has all their teeth intact.

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.

1 hour before:

So let me get...

Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!

Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*

What was the favorite game in 2001? Flight simulator.

Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter? Pretty nuts!

I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.

Tj's hairline is so far back, Blue's Clues can't find it.

Your hairline is so far back, Paw Patrol couldn't finish their mission.

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

What's the worst thing to happen to a Japanese person in WW2... being drafted as a kamikaze pilot, or existing with a Fat Man or Little Boy?

Why did the cheetah get sad?

'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.

..., I'm gay.

A. No

B. Maybe

C. Leave blank

D. Yes

Why can't America play chess?

They're already missing 2 towers.

Dr. Fauci would be surprised to know that R. Kelly didn't catch COVID-19.

But since COVID is 19, it's too old for him.

Dude,

if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.

If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?

People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."

Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."