Worst Jokes Ever

Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.

what did the pedophile say to the kid?

"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?

She comes home with sparkles on her face.

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.

What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.

There was a kidnapping at school.

Don't worry, he woke up.

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.

What do you call a gay threesome?

A Sloppy Joe.

How do you blow up an Indian person?

You press the red button.

Age is just a number,

Jail is just a room.

What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."

Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.

Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.

...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."

How did two retarded people get ran over in one second?

They're my friends.

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.