Worst Jokes Ever
Why can’t U.S.A or England play chess?
Because the U.S.A has no towers, and England doesn’t have a queen.
Why can’t English people play chess? They ain't got no queen.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They ain't got no home to run to.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
Credit to Burn in Hell https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5a0jTc9S10
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
What does a sprinter eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast!
Where do fruits go on vacation?
"Pear-is!"
"What did the zero say to the eight?"
"That belt looks good on you!"
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
"A satisfactory."
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.
Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
Why do some kids have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.