Worst Jokes Ever

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?

"Are you ready kids?"

What does a furry call a sexy furry?

A foxy lady!

Why can't Americans play chess?

Because they already lost two towers.

Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.

Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).

How do you get a party started in Africa?

You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.

Why can't two Asians make a white baby? Because two "Wong's" don't make a white.

Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

The Earth was flat until yo mama buried herself.

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

I added Paul Walker on Xbox...

But he spends all his time on the dashboard.

I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"

He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"

"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.

Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!

Wanna know the last words of the south tower?

"HAHA LOOK AT YOU! IMAGINE BEING HIT YOU L BOZO!"

How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.

Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach in a blue dress, everyone screamed "tsunami!"

Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?

He didn't either.

Which falls faster, an apple or an emo kid?

The apple, because the emo kid is hanging.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already done told her twice.