Yard work jokes

How did the retard get hurt raking the leaves?

Fell out of the tree.

Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.

God, I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.

How do you get your grass to cut itself?

Make it depressed.

My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.

Q: What's the best part about gardening?

A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?

Nothing, I cut both of them.

I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.

Why?

So it would cut itself.