You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days. But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"
Rock-a-bye dummy in the tree top. When the wind blows the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. Down will come dummy, Cradle and all
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread waiting for a traffic jam
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
How does a tree get online they walk in
I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind. So I called “TOLIET PAPERS ROLLING IN”
A group of friends went outside to pick up stuff one of the friends said it is windy as heck out.
What did the maxi pad say to the fart? You are the wind beneath my wings
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
Two wind turbines are standing in a field. One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?" The other says, "Well...I'm a huge metal fan..."
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?
A brrrrrrrr-d!
It was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!! JAC
What song was played at the flatulent centenarian's birthday? Candle in the Wind!!
What do skeletons hate the most about wind?
Nothing, it goes right through them.
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."
The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."
The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."
The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."
