Whos jokes
Why do they call it emotion when the root word is emo, but emos don't show emotion?
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.
Who is buried in the tomb of Alexander the Grape?
Alexander the raisin.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
Q: Why can you be rude to an orphan?
A: Because who are they gonna tell their parents?
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
Aren't paraplegics just plegics who can fly?
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not Susie.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?
Who is your mum?
An emo.
The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
Dees was a squirrel who had big nuts.
Everybody loved dees big nuts.
Did you hear about the emo kid who auditioned for the school play?
He made the cut.
I'm jealous of the people who never met you.
What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?
Father Les.
One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.
To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.
There is a room of men: Jamal, David, and Afzul. "Jamal is black," "David is white," and "Afzul is a Pakistani." Who set off the bomb?
Afzul, it's clearly him cause he's a Pakistani...