"Confucius say, man who has mosquito on balls truly understands nonviolence."
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.
Who names their dog Donuts?
What do you call a downy who can't get a girlfriend?
Down bad.
knock knock whos there chicken chicken who? are you chicken me????!!!!
I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.
What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?
"Who are you wearing?"
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
Kid: Knock knock! Orphan: Who's there? Kid: Not your parents XD
i broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheel chair.
guess who came crawling back.
an emo kid in a leaf falls from a tree who falls first delete the rope stp the emo
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Johnny.
Johnny who?
Johnny want yo' mommy.
Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.
Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."
Who am I?
Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!
Wife: Stop telling rape jokes, it's not funny. Husband: Who raped you this morning?
Knock knock. Who's there ? Stephen. Can't you read ? It says No Hawking.
There are 3 men: an American, a French, and an Italian who have to take a trip and take the plane.
The American puts his hand out the window and says: "We are in America, I touched the Statue of Liberty." The French says: "We are in France, I touched the Eiffel Tower." The Italian says: "We are in Italy, I touched the garbage!"
A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.
Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.
The French: "But how did you do it?"
The Italian: "I killed one."
The German: "So what?"
The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"
