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We jokes

The fries were the slowest in the race and they said, "We need to ketchup to the tomato!"

Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.

We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"

Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

To all those who say this is a joke, it isn't. It's a core of humor and magic. It's a part of humor we can keep. Like if you agree.

Man: How do you prepare your chicken?

Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.

Hello people. I've seen your jokes are as immature as hell. Keep going with those jokes, people. We might earn the funniest jokes on this website.

Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.

He was a great pilot.

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    • I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."

    If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.

    True Story

    A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

    The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

    There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.

    Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.

    There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

    One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

    Me: What are we doing in HPE?

    Friend: Fitness.

    Me: Fitting deez nuts in your mouth.

    Things we all do:

    Call the Royal blue tang fish the "Dory fish," and the Clownfish "Nemo fish"! 🤣

    I do this too often!

    I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

    My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

    So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."