We jokes

(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!

I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.

I'll let you decide.

Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.

I kicked a soccer ball into a kid in a wheelchair, so we are playing Rocket League.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

We don't joke about orphans unless they have family. Then we assassinate the family.

(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

An orphan? We no jokes.

Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.

What does a zebra and I have in common?

We both have stripes.

This is the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ

"He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." My father told me when I was just a child, "These are the nights that never die." My father told me."

Whenever I think about it deeply, it makes me wanna cry :(

African Kid: "Mom, can we have water?"

Mom: "Sure, it's in the house."

African Kid: *Goes to the fridge and opens the door searching for cold water*

The fridge: ERROR 404 Water Not Found

They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.

A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"

Dad said, "It is, Son."

Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"

"Can we do 69?"

"How about 9/11 because we're going to crash tonight?"

"Can we do 69?"

"How about we do 9/11 since we will crash together?"

Dad: We are giving your toys to the orphanage.

Kid: Why?

Dad: So you won't get bored.

My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!

The fries were the slowest in the race and they said, "We need to ketchup to the tomato!"