Unhelpfulness jokes

Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."

The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.

Police: Where do you live?

Me: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live?

Me: With me.

Police: Where do you all live?

Me: Together.

Police: Where is your house?

Me: Next to my neighbor's house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house?

Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.

Police: Tell me.

Me: Next to my house.

Police: *Arrests me*

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in. He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.