Told jokes

Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.

I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.

Bro told me this when he passed away.

I’m “Fading.”

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

My mom told me a joke about boxing.

I guess I missed the punch line.

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.

My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.

I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

One day I was at school, and this girl had the nerve. She told me to go to the back of the line. I was looking behind me, and she said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "To who [are] you talking to, boo boo?" Like, is you you my momma?

I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map of North America.

"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.

The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.

"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"

The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.

"Where is Germany again, Father?"

He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.

Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."

"Yes?"

"Has Hitler seen this map?"

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

The old cookoo master on the top of Mt. Qinshan told me this when I was eating sushi:

"The first bite tastes like heaven, the second takes you there."

😳

I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.