my old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking thru a field of dead babies was.... his cock
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
Whats the last thing that went through curt cobains mind? His teeth
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears. "I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing." The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
Thing to say during sex,"grab his dick and twist it."
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death? No funeral costs
when you send ur girl a dick pic but she says its small. so you text back and say: "enjoy the little things".
why do mountains contain things? because their moun tains
the last thing that went through abe licolins head was a bullet
What do you call an ugly, grey thing
Cinderelephant
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex? They are not for kids.
What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?
Just trying to fit in.
I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear!
today i explain what things are fake. serial killers, clowns, billy, fairies, your life,God,Jesus,your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff, youtube,your dad,scientists,teachers,God,Jesus, and Billy.
stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake.Alot of idiots will read this.
whats the grossest thing ever? A bag of dead babies whats even more gross? The bottom one is still wriggling
Past, present, and future walked into a bar...things got tense :). Pls send help, yet once again :).
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
What is 6.9?
A beautiful thing ruined by a period.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an englishman. He says things like,
"It's a elevator, not'a lift!"
and
"It's bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the englishman says,
"Hey wankar, it's a school, not a god damned shootin range."
