Q: Why did the flat earther become gay?
A: He knows a thing or two about giving dome.
Q: Why did he eventually become asexual?
A: He doesn't believe in anything south of the border.
Things Jokes
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."
Student: What's the best thing in the world?
Teacher: I don't know what.
Student: Hard rock cock.
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?
His teeth.
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.
"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."
The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
Why do mountains contain things? Because their moun-tains.
The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.
What do you call an ugly, grey thing?
Cinderelephant!
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?
Just trying to fit in.
I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
