Things jokes
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.
Hey, do you remember that dragon thing?
Draggin' these balls across your face.
What's the fastest thing on earth?
An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.
If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.
What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?
Their ankles.
What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?
His arse.
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.
What is the first thing you should always take care of first after a car crash?
The witnesses.
I was the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.
My attempt in 2021.
And my attempt this year.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
There were 3 Gay Fish in a Tank. One says to the others: "How do you drive this thing?"
Like this joke if you LOLed! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
One thing is for sure, the victims from 9/11 died warm.
One thing you can ask Mario:
"Can you jump up and down for me?"
What thing can jump the highest?
Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."