Why do emo people go to the store with no money? Because they Just scan their bar code and get every thing free.
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet, It's a good thing I'm married...
The first thing the emo did at the party is to pin the gun to there head
The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a yo-mama joke.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy’s clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...”. The mother cuts him off and says “just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting “I’m leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer.”
Whats the only good thing about being an orphan? All snacks are family sized!
What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?
Fitting it in.
There were two twins and they were both very tall. The next thing they know they were on the floor and there were planes up their asses
my ceiling fan isnt the only thing thats going to be hanging tonight
I'm sorry and I apologise mean the same thing except at a funeral.
when little johnny was about 3 he got curious and stuck his hand up a maniquins pants and his mom says no little johnny there is teeth up there that will bite off your hand little johnny thing oh no i cant do that again. a few years later he was 15 and he had a gf and they were making out and she says why dont you ever stick your hand up my pants he says on no my mom says there is teeth that will bite off my hand up there she says no there isnt just look little johnny looks and says well no wonder there aint no teeth by the way them gums look.
if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks "where'd you get that lovely thing?" "Africa" the parrot replied.
I was a orphan as a kid and Im pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids I think we know why
“ when the ugliest cat looked at you“ then you search up the ugliest thing in the world” you show up
Johnny Johnny? Yes pa pa Eating Sugar? Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing i can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God. It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing and now I'm in heaven
Imagine your new playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1:shoot someone Option 2:suicide
Me: aren't they the same thing?
Friend #1: "Whats your favourite thing about trees?" Friend #2: "Apples" Me: "I can hang myself in them."
